It goes without saying that snowboarding is one of the funnest things you can do in the mountains with your trousers on. But hey, coming in an awfully close second is shooting guns, which is why serial waffler, Mr Dan ‘Pro Lens (Amateur Body)’ Milner has come up with the ingenious idea of putting it all together in a slide show.
And as if that’s not enough, the ones doing all the shootin’ (or would that be chutin’?) are some of the sport’s most legendary figures: Jeremy Jones, The Cat and, it goes without saying, the lovely and talented Angie Wardell.
Tonight, 20:30, don’t forget your heckle hat.
After months spent pedaling our legs off in the most amazing autumn anyone can remember it’s finally dumping outside, the crew have micro-cleaned the bikes and stashed them for the winter, everyone is stoked out of their minds to be making powder turns, and what does illustrious lensman Dan Milner do? Why he goes and cues up a slide show on … you guessed it … mountain biking!
Which is exactly why everyone should go. Because if this man and his incessant waffling are not brutally humbled by a relentless barrage of unbridled heckling then we will continue to be assaulted by his stunning images and clever insight into exotic places we’ll never go, interesting people we’ll never meet and outstanding rides we’ll never enjoy. Why? Because we all know that humanoid life as we know it simply cannot exist outside our dreamy little valley.
So can we really be expected to sit through another one of Milner’s rambling diatribes on his whimsical theory – along with his so-called ‘photographic evidence’ – of life beyond the bubble? Yes! Why? Because we must heckle! We must heckle and we must never pass up even the slightest opportunity to experience the riding skills of some of Chamonix’s most almost-famous celebutantes including ‘Slingshot’ Jez Wilson, Seban ‘Lid Spin’ Liljeberg, Mike ‘They Don’t Call Me The Bike For Nuthin’ Foster, and perchance, the delightful Angie Wardle.
So go and heckle and laugh at the expense of people who fall off their bikes and hurt themselves. Trust me, you’ll all be better men for it.
Learn more about Dan Milner on his website and check out what he gets up to in his leisure time on his Facebook page.
Oh Lordy, here he goes again. Dan Milner waffling on about some more of his silly snowsliding shenanigans in completely ridiculous places. I mean seriously, isn’t the reason we all love Chamonix so much is because the shredding is so amazing here? And while the rest of the world is trying to figure out how they can quit their jobs, sell everything and move here, Desultory Dan is busy planning trips to … Macedonia?
Ah well, the good crew over at Le Vert will be doing their best to offset the damage with a special €10 plat du jour and a €15 menu but make sure you show up early because you definitely don’t want to be stuck in that place around 8:30 when the lights go down and the waffling begins. Unless of course, you love nothing more than mercilessly heckling a guy while he’s in the middle of some mad story about being kidnapped by pygmies, having tea with a yeti, or narrowly escaping a life-threatening attack by a bloodthirsty deer.
Of course there will also be the extraordinary photos of guys like Travis Rice, Jeremy Jones and Angie Wardell shredding the rad in places like Kashmir, Pakistan, Iceland and of course, Alaska. And a photo of a car and one or two of signs evidently. And if I was a bettin’ man, I’d lay odds he might even try to slip in some artsy fartsy photo of a tree as well. Just guessin’.
Clear your calendars ladies and gents because the winter edition of the bi-annual Dan Milner heckle-fest is coming to Le Vert Hotel on Sunday night, February 28 at 8pm.
This edition will feature what are sure to be some amazing images from Dan’s recent Alaska splitboard mission with a crew of young, up-and-coming riders hoping to make it big and one day be able to afford heli time.
And as if that’s not enough to get you off the couch of a Sunday evening, Le Vert will be serving up one of their grandioso, three-course Sunday roasts starting at 18:00, which is sure to pack the house. It’s all sounding like quite the night out with dinner and the show and all so if you want to ensure your place at a very popular dinner table you best make reservation early (tel. 04 50 53 13 58).
The slide show is gratuit and the three-course Sunday roast is a real bargain at only €19. No word yet on how Dan is going to work in a photo of perennial crowd-favorite Angie Wardle, but if he wants to keep things civil he better figure out a way.
"Hmmm, looks like a pair of lycra shorts wrapped around the drive train. What was that you said about hearing a strange thump while you were texting a few miles back?"
Now there’s few things I love more than a good old fashioned waffle, and nobody serves it up better than the notorious waffle king himself, Dan ‘The Man’ Milner. And as luck would have it, you can join me at 8pm on Thursday (7 Jan) at Chamonix’s best freeride hotel, Le Vert, for Dan’s annual Year of the Bike slide show.
This year’s performance will not only feature Dan’s amazing images from Mallorca, Chamonix, Lake Tahoe, and Nepal but in addition, those lucky enough to attend will be treated to Dan’s infamous waffle which historically leaves most of us in tears … one way or another.
So whether you’re a mountain biker or not, this is a great night out that really shouldn’t be missed. And for those who might not have the stomach for Dan’s waffle, fear not. Le Vert will be doing what they do best with great food and drink all night long.