Never underestimate the power of the mo'. En garde!
Chamonerds, start your scissors – it’s Movember! Guest post (and the first reference to Scythian warriors on this blog) by facial-hair-ianado and wordsmith extraordinnaire, Carlos Schtang.
Start with a clean face. No cheating, Elling.
It’s that time of year chaps, time to dust off the cut throat, charge up the clippers or simply sharpen up the utility multi-tool – Movember is upon us and all good self-respecting Mo’ Bros are leading the way, joining hands around the world for the good of one and the betterment of all.
Billed as a ’30 day journey into moustachery’, Movember sets out to raise awareness of a certain men’s health issue that is more often than not swept under the proverbial carpet. And that, coupled with the opportunity to publicly flaunt a forgotten side of man’s, erm, manliness should be sufficient. What more encouragement do you need? What further pearls of wisdom need imparting?
Prostrates are highly carcinogenic. Keep them in full view to facilitate casual checkups.
Oft frowned upon by the fairer sex, as well as rejected in favour of its more popular full-faced hirsute bedfellow, the art of Moustache growing/grooming, or top lip topiary or even Toplipiary as I like to call it, is fast gaining momentum as not just an artform, but a way of life… some would say a life force in itself. In modern parlance, it’s a bit like riding a fixie, or wearing a trilby but way, way cooler.
Movember is not a competition. If it was, Scythian warrior reincarnate, Lars.com, would crush us all.
Hyperbolic rhetoric maybe, but the time has come for the moustache (humble or otherwise) to finally claim its rightful place in the annals of time and the scrolls of history – from the first documented moustaches of the Scythian warriors of 300 BC to the many styles and guises we see today, through fiction and history the moustache has enthralled and (perhaps) appalled in equal measure.
Those not rallying around the cause will be ridiculed, then shot. In the prostate.
‘Tis true, shameful but true, that naysayers and dissenters persist in denouncing the moustache claiming it is the work of madmen, evil dictators and purveyors of dastardly devilment. But for every Adolf Hitler, there’s a Charlie Chaplin. For every Saddam Hussein, there’s a Salvador Dali. For every Fu Manchu, there’s a Hercule Poirot. For every Snidely Whiplash, there’s a Mario. For every Bruce Grobbelaar, there’s an Ian Rush. For every… oh sod it, you know what I mean.
So, brothers of the Chamonix tribe… cast aside your apprehensions; banish your cowardice to the dark forgotten room of your brain where it belongs and embrace the month of Movember and the art of Toplipiary.
Hair will grow; awareness will be raised. The world will be a better place… Honest.
Marisa Miller excels at raising awareness of a man's prostate, among other things.
Editor’s note – Mo Bros and Sistas, should be aware that Bar Dup will host their third annual Movember fancy dress, fundraiser party with amazing prizes, raffles and auctions taking place. Over the past two years the Bar Dup crew have raised over €2000 towards cancer research. Well done, gents.